No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
