i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
