next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
