A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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