Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
