My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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