This is not my ceiling
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
