My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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