Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
