Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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