We need to rekindle our bromance
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
