Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
