hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
