Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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