i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
