You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
