Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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