so that wasnt chicken after all
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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