I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
