guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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