It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
