you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
