foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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