Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
