nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
