thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
