hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
