Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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