There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
