my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
