the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
