I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
