I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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