I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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