Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
