hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
