The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
