wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
