I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You made out with two different species that night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
