Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
