Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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