After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
