is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I could make wine with my vomit
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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