So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
