I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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