im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
