Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
