I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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