First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
