I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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